I Can't Believe You Just Said That [book review]

"But I don't waaaaaaannnnt tooooooo!" Some days, it seems like this is my 3-year-old's favorite phrase. The whiny-er she can say it, the better. So. Much. Whining. It's one of those unbearable, universal kid-isms I swore I'd never allow--but somehow, despite my best efforts, my kid is really good at whining. So I was looking forward to solid advice from Ginger Hubbard's book, "I Can't Believe You Just Said That: Biblical Wisdom for Taming Your Child's Tongue." Whining is chapter two--perfect.

Zoey: 3 months

+ Zoey has become a much better napper over the last month. She's even started to occasionally stretch one of her naps longer than the others--I'm hoping that's a sign that we'll have some success when it's time to move to two naps a day down the road. However, she is really fighting our SwaddleMe swaddle--she cries while being swaddled and doesn't stop until she's got her pacifier and is starting to drift off. She escapes the swaddle, too, and sometimes wakes up super early in the morning because both arms are waving around like it's party time. But if she has her hands out to start, it's a total disaster. It seems like it's just a lose-lose situation for the time being.

A season for all things

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

The other day, E asked me to play with her--which, in that particular moment, meant bouncing a big rubber ball back and forth in the kitchen. There were a thousand things I would rather have done just then--the baby had just gone down for a nap and I knew the minutes would be short--but I sat down (reluctantly) and waited for the ball to come to me. While I waited, I glanced up and read the verse from Ecclesiastes written on the chalkboard on the wall.

Zoey: 1 month

I know there've been a lot of Zoey posts lately, but buckle up for another one. Zoey Bird is officially a whole month old!

Weight: 11 pounds (This can't possibly be right, can it? I think my scale is off.)
Height: 22.25 inches
(These are both my own measurements, not the doctor's, so take their accuracy with a huge grain of salt.)

Zoey's birth story

Little Zoey was born on a Thursday night--all souls day, actually. I had hoped we could wait one more day--November 3rd last year was the day we buried Ruthie and Judah, and I saw something beautiful in having her birthday be a sort of redemption of that day for us. But doc couldn't make the 3rd work, so we were scheduled for the 2nd. She was overdue (as I knew she would be) and she took her sweet time coming. We went in for induction around noon--the doctor broke my water at about one, and I expected things to take off pretty quickly from there like they had with her older sister, who also had to be evicted. But Zoey seemed to want to prove right away that she's going to do things her own way.

Our first two weeks with Zoey Claire

Well, we've officially survived two weeks as a family of four. I still feel like we're in survival mode, and things aren't really "settled" yet. I also haven't braved any sort of outing by myself with both kids--that thought still strikes fear in my heart. BUT, I can already tell that the second time around the baby block is way easier than the first in many ways. And it's funny how much I find myself thinking back to when E was a baby and noting all the things that are surprisingly different or exactly the same this time.

Where to start when your upbringing didn't teach you how to build a family

Technically speaking, I am what people usually refer to as a "cradle Catholic." I was baptized as a baby, spent years in CCD classes, and was confirmed right on schedule. I even attended a Catholic school for a time. But don't let that fool you: my upbringing wasn't really all that Catholic. My family didn't attend Mass, didn't pray together, didn't observe holy days or saint feasts, and didn't really talk about faith in general. I was put through the motions (because as a kid in this setting, it certainly wasn't MY idea of a good time), but that was the extent of it.

On top of our lack of faith activity, my family had its share of issues in the bonding department. I remember lots of visits to Grandma and Grandpa's house a few hours from home, and one big trip to Disney World, and even a camping trip some time before that. Bright spots there, for sure, but not much in the way of day-to-day nurturing. Perhaps there was more of an effort made when I was too little to form a long-term memory? What I remember from the later years, however, is a whole lot of television, being on my own, and mutual disinterest.

My family also fought a lot. That's probably normal--families fight. But the four of us fought in truly awful ways. We were spiteful, vindictive, dismissive, cruel, even violent. Let me tell you, handling conflict like this doesn't set you up for success in any relationship. I didn't learn to fight "right" until after I was married--I still don't know how or why C ever put up with it.

Why am I airing all this dirty laundry on the internet? Well, because this rocky upbringing is, for better or for worse, one half of the foundation C and I are working with as we build our own family. The way I grew up influences the way I live and parent. And these three areas--faith life, family bonds, and conflict--are preeeetty major. Having what I call a "deficient background" in any one of them, much less all three, is hard to overcome. And if I'm not very intentional and extremely careful, it could spell disaster for my little family. The internet part is because I don't think I'm alone in this situation, and maybe someone else needs to see that. Or maybe, when I get down to my "resources" list below, you'll have something to add.

Talking to kids about handling their fears

Toddlers are afraid of all sorts of things: the vacuum cleaner, the dark, loud noises, swimming pools, going to the bathroom when we're out in public... the list goes on. And those are just the ones MY toddler is afraid of. If we took a public poll, I bet we could get quite the list going.

Of course, most kid fears are completely irrational. And sometimes, the work they put in to avoid their fear actually causes more issues (like avoiding public bathrooms and the resulting bladder explosions... not that I've had experience with this recently or anything). It can be frustrating as a parent trying to walk a kid through such things--sometimes I have to bite my tongue to keep from shouting "GET OVER IT!" But we're not supposed to dismiss a kid's feelings like that. (How would you like it if "get over it" was the response you got when confiding your fears?) Of course, going along with it isn't always an option, either. (She HAS to learn to use a public bathroom at some point.) So what's a parent to do?

Dear E [9/12/17]

Dear E,

Today we attended our first day of "classes" at the homeschooling co-op we're trying out this fall. You're taking music, a nature play session, story time, and ABCs/health, so it's nothing rigorous. I just really wanted to get us out of the house and in the company of other like-minded people (meaning homeschoolers). It's a social thing at this point.

I have to be honest here: I've been pretty nervous about this whole venture. Not just because of my own shyness, though that's definitely a factor. But also because you, my little bug, are rather shy yourself. Six months ago, you cried at the playground because another little girl wanted to play with you and be your friend. I know you've grown up a lot since then and have been doing better interacting with other people, but I still wasn't sure how you were going to handle something so foreign as a preschool class. So it was with some doubt that I got you up this morning with the excited exclamation, "It's co-op day!"

10 parenting books that are actually worth reading

In my humble opinion, a lot of parenting books out there today are junk. That, or they promise to focus on something specific that will impact your life raising little humans and then fail to deliver. It bugs me when I waste time reading something that turns out to be fairly worthless. But not all books are that way--in fact, I've shelved several that I found worthwhile over the last few years. Here are ten of my current favorites.

Baby gear: little sister

Three months until baby arrives! My to-do list is eight hundred miles long, y'all. I've resigned myself to the fact that it's not all going to get done in time, but I'm still chipping away as much as I can. I've spent what feels like an eternity washing, folding, and putting away clothes and unpacking baby gear. It's still a little all over the place, but I make progress little by little.

20 journaling prompts for pregnancy

Hello Baby

We got to see our little baby first thing last Tuesday morning. I thought for sure we'd be late to the appointment--getting out of the house on time (with a toddler who normally sleeps in, no less) to drive twenty minutes into the heart of town during rush hour? Mission: Impossible. But it turned out just fine. We not only made it out on time, we were a little early. Which was good, because it took us three tries to get off the elevator on the correct floor. #facepalm

Ultrasounds are nuts, guys. My favorite is when baby moves--it's so crazy to see them kicking and rolling and acting like a baby. Our little one was dancing, I swear. The tech (who happens to be the cousin of a girl I went to high school with... small world) got a snap of baby's little feet, but it took her several minutes of trying because baby wouldn't hold still. I wish she'd printed that one out, but I didn't think to ask in the moment.

Of course, the "big moment" of the whole ordeal is finding out the gender. I'm not one who can wait it out and enjoy the surprise at birth--no way, never gonna happen. I have to know. And now I do. (And that's all, at least for now. I'm evil, I know.)

17 weeks and counting

Another little will be joining out family this fall. This pregnancy is full of so much emotion, it's hard for me to form words about it. For now I'll say only that we're anxious, but deeply grateful. We have our first ultrasound next week, and I'm on tenterhooks waiting to see baby. Please keep us in your prayers!

January 2017

Sleep stuff

E transitioned to an official big-girl bed this month. C's parents kindly offered to let us have their old bunk beds, and we brought the top bunk home the third weekend of January and set it up for her. She'd been sleeping on the crib mattress on the floor for a few weeks already, and we had zero problems with the transition to the twin bed--in fact, she was ecstatic about it. She basically idolizes her two cousins, both a little older, and was thrilled to have a bed just like them. So now my baby girl is sleeping like a big kid (fun fact: one of the same beds her dad slept in as a kid), and I'm over here daydreaming about the days she used to fall asleep in my arms. My baby isn't so little anymore.

The day I quit potty training

On Monday, I quit trying to potty train E. After four days of her wearing big-girl underwear and being barricaded in the kitchen (the only room in the house that isn't carpeted) with a bunch of books and toys, we weren't having much success. I was frustrated, and so was she. So, we quit. We are potty training failures.

Ruthie & Judah

This October was supposed to be a time of celebration for our family. C turned 29. We went on a family vacation to the mountains–one of our favorite places. And we planned to finally tell our friends that we were expecting a baby, our second child. But that last one never happened.

A letter to E: 2 years old

Dear E,

You are two. TWO. Actually, you’ve been two for a couple of months now, but I still get those moments when the reality of it floors me. That’s when I want to grab onto time and pull it back, stop it for a while so I can catch my breath. But that, of course, isn’t a thing. So here we are: me and you, little bug. My big girl.

Filling treasure chests

“I began to picture my children’s hearts as treasure chests of a different sort, and I vowed to fill them with intrinsic treasures: the best stories, memorized scripture, priceless images of classical art, excellent books, memories from great feasts enjoyed together and special days celebrated, great bible stories and wisdom passages, plus heart photographs of love given, holidays cherished, lessons learned. I hoped my children would be able to draw from this chest of internal treasures when they needed wisdom or comfort in their adult lives, that they would have soul resources that would speak to them for a lifetime.” -Sally Clarkson

What I never want to forget

The way the ends of your hair curl like crazy in the back.

The weight of your head on my shoulder.

The way you say “mommy” when you’re wondering where I’ve gone.

The sound of your giggles and squeals when I tickle you.

The way you hold out your arms and tilt your face up when you want to be held.

How your little hand feels wrapped tightly around my fingers.