I'm a stay-at-home-mom, so perhaps that answer isn't all that surprising. But if you know my family history, you also know that achieving this goal means rewriting the whole book. I did not grow up in the kind of family I am envisioning--none of the labels I listed above would have applied to us. I feel like I have grown a lot in the last decade or so, but there are still plenty of things I struggle with as both a person and a parent. Things I don't want my children to struggle with when they themselves are adults. On top of that, I'm human. My husband is human. We have our own unique set of idiosyncrasies that contribute to or detract from our family culture in various ways. In short: getting to that "thriving family" finish line might take a miracle. Still, it's a worthy goal, and it's absolutely the best thing I can envision doing with my life. So how do I get there?
One of the things I've really had to come to terms with while filling out the prep work for my 2019 powersheets recently is the idea that I can't accomplish all the things right now. Um, duh, girl. There are so many things that are good and worthy of my time and attention, but I just can't do it. Maybe there's something else that needs to happen first, or maybe I'm just not in the right place mentally or emotionally to handle a certain change or challenge right this minute. Whatever it is, I've had to acknowledge my limitedness and identify small steps I can take now that will lead me toward the rest of those things or put me in a place to do better in the future. This is huge when I think about that ideal, thriving family life and how far I am from the mom I want to be. I have lost count of the number of times I've reminded myself lately that small steps are valid and good and useful. That I can get to where I want to be, but not all at once. (Thank you, God, for Lara Casey, Cultivate What Matters, and those powersheets that have helped me wrap my head and heart around this idea.)
And that's where my 2019 goals begin. I have three main goals, and three secondary goals. All of them represent some investment in my family or pave the road for growth in some way.
Top three:
1) Cultivate contentment. I'm a chronic shopper, a textbook maximalist, a spender, an over-consumer, a whatever-you-want-to-label-it. But I want to learn to be content with what I have--to stop comparing and striving and wanting so darn much. More than that, I want to truly be grateful for every blessing. And I want my children to learn gratitude and contentment in our home.
2) Care for myself better. I have been feeling crappy lately, and I know it's because I haven't been taking good care of myself. When I don't, my family gets the worst of me.
3) Cultivate our family culture. This is big and not very well defined, to be honest. But I know a lot of the pieces. C and I are book people, and we want to pass that down to our children. We want to have fun as a family. We want to cherish and enjoy nature. We want to live life with the rhythms of the church. We want to celebrate well together, to serve together, and to generally enjoy each other. We want to be dinner-at-the-table people. We want beauty to have a valued place in our home--music, art, poetry, and literature. We want to be kind, optimistic humans. We want to love others and love God well. None of that will happen by accident.
Secondary:
1) Homeschool well. We're still in the preschool stage, and I'm still trying to figure out routines and what the heck I'm doing. I believe in homeschooling, and I really, really don't want to fail.
2) Pursue community. We need community, but I'm not very good at it. Finding it, nurturing it, investing in it. I'm introverted all the time and downright antisocial some of the time. But we need this, so I have to find a way to improve.
3) Nurture my faith and prayer life. I suppose this is always going to be a goal of mine, manifested in various ways from year to year. This year I want to learn more about the mass and focus on prayer.
My powersheets helped me get a little more specific with some of these. It breaks down below.
2019 goals
1) Cultivate contentment
What this really boils down to this year is three-fold: I want to declutter our home, do a shopping fast, and intentionally cultivate gratitude in my own outlook.To get started, I plan to do what's called a minsgame throughout the month of January (at least, I think that's what the cool kids call it). Each day during the month, you get rid of a number of items corresponding to the date. One thing on January 1, two on January 2, and so on. I'm 100 percent certain I'll be getting rid of way more than this throughout the year (for the record, successful completion would mean getting rid of 496 items), but I also thought starting out with something like this might be fun? (My kid self would think my adult self is incredibly lame for saying that.) I also think I might appreciate both the tangible goal involved in a specific challenge like this, and the ease-into-it approach.
I'd also like to do a spending fast for Lent. For two years, I've felt nudged to give up shopping for Lent but haven't done it. (#bigfatchicken) This year, I plan to try it. I'm not sure I believe I can do it, if I'm being totally truthful. I am not known for willpower or for denying myself in any way. Sometime between now and March, I need to wrap my head around the whole thing or I'll talk myself into failing before I've even started.
Gratitude is a little easier for me. I've written little thankful lists in my journal for years now, and the practice of looking for God's small gifts probably saved me from spiraling after our miscarriage in 2016. This year, I plan to keep those lists all in one place, and I'm shooting for writing down 3,600 things throughout the year (that's 300 each quarter, or 10 things a day-ish). But I also want to be truly mindful with this--I'm not writing down superficial things every day that don't actually stir up any sentiment of gratitude but seem like something that should fit on this kind of list. I'm keeping my eyes open for God's fingerprints in my daily life and looking for meaningful things/moments that truly ignite my heart with gratitude. Gosh, it sounds dramatic and overly sentimental to say it this way, but I want to steep myself in thankfulness every day, not just write anything I can think of so I can check "be grateful" off my to-do list.
January starting steps:
- minsgame challenge in January
- begin gratitude journal and write down 300 "thankfuls"
2) Nurture our family culture
I'd like to settle into a better routine and be more consistent with our family read-alouds. I'd like to celebrate more feast days. I'd like to complete seasonal or monthly "bucket lists" (but keep them very simple) and spend more time together as a family at home--we did really well in 2018 in getting out and doing things together, but we could improve in our togetherness inside our own four walls. There are also smaller things here and there that contribute to an overall vision for our family.January starting steps:
- finish reading "Charlotte's Web" to E
- complete our first monthly bucket list (which currently has five items on it)
- finish and print our 2018 family photo book
- order paper plates for Q1 feast days
3) Care for my health and wellness
In general this means avoiding fast food, making better food choices, moving my body more, and using essential oils more consistently/effectively. But I'm going to start by simply adding a side salad to meals once a day. (Baby steps, right?) I'm also using the Fitbit I got for Christmas to track my steps and sleep, thought at this point I'm just looking to establish a baseline. In another month or so, I'll start looking at that data with an eye for making changes and seeing improvement.January starting steps:
- add veggies or a side salad to a meal daily
- meal plan weekly
4) Homeschool well
This is pretty self-explanatory. Routines. Consistency. A touch of ambition/motivation. Grace and patience and compassion. I haven't even planned out our "second semester" yet, so that's the first step!January starting steps:
- Plan our second semester of preschool
5) Pursue community
This past summer we joined a local Wild + Free group, which was awesome. We didn't make it to every gathering--we probably showed up about once a month--but it was good to dip our toes in. This year, I want to commit more fully to that group. I also want to invest one-on-one in a few specific relationships.January starting steps:
- set up a play date for E
- attend a friend's Epiphany party
6) Nurture my faith and prayer life
I want to read more about the mass this year--my CCD education was completely substandard and my in-home formation nonexistent, so as an adult I'm slowly filling in the gaps. I have a couple of books already sitting on the shelf, waiting for me (but if you have recommendations, send them my way!).I also want to utilize my Val Marie Paper yearly prayer journal well in 2019. I used one of the undated six-month journals for a couple months at the end of 2018, but I think there's a better way for it to fit in my routine.
January starting steps:
- Read "The Lamb's Supper" by Scott Hahn
- Keep my gratitude log (I think this applies here as well)
- Use my Every Sacred Sunday mass journal well (I started using this during advent and love it)
- Use my VMP prayer journal well
There are about a million other things I'd love to be able to do, but I know I won't get there all at once. One step at a time. I am hoping to be able to set up a solid foundation with my 2019 goals, to use them as a springboard to other things in the future.
I know there's technically nothing special about January 1, but I'm looking forward to it all the same. Let's get started!
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