On approaching motherhood

The other day, during my annual eye exam, my doctor asked when I was due. When I told him baby girl was expected in less than a month, he chuckled and said, “Everything is about to change. Drastically.” I just smiled and nodded, because I know he’s right, but inside I was having a minor panic attack.

So far, this whole pregnancy has seemed a little surreal. Okay, a lot surreal. There’s a BABY in there! In my head, I know this. But sometimes I still forget. I’ll wake up in the morning and feel “normal” and I’ll completely space the fact that I’m pregnant—until baby kicks me in the ribs, of course. Even in the moments when I’m fully aware of my gigantic belly, it can still be hard to really believe that a baby is coming. A living, breathing, crying, pooping, growing baby.

Which also means it’s hard to appreciate just how much things will need to change. Tonight, my evening consisted of dinner, hanging pictures, a workout, answering emails, journaling, and blogging. Reading all that, it sounds like a lot. In truth, there are still a couple things left on my to-do list that I missed. But how many more are going to be left on the list a month, six months, or a year from now? How much less time will I have for the things I enjoy and that are life-giving to a creative soul?

It’s one of those things that I expect, but that it’s really hard to wrap my head around before it becomes a reality. And I hate that. I’m a planner—I like to know what’s coming long before it actually happens. I also like being the one to dictate my own schedule. One of my favorite aspects of my job is that, though there are deadlines I need to meet, I get to decide how and when I work on my projects. But a baby? A baby doesn’t care what your plan for the day is, and she isn’t going to warn you about what’s coming down the pipeline. She just wants what she wants when she wants it, and no amount of frustration on my part is going to change that.

I know this is something I’m just going to have to figure out as I go. I’m just having a hard time picturing exactly what that will look like. So I ask you current moms: How did you adjust? What expectations did you have to let go of, and how do you balance being a mom and being a creative entrepreneur?

No comments :

Post a Comment